User Profile

Testing, testing, is this thing on?

I hail from Brisbane, Ohio in the south of Kent. I was born into a family of blacksmiths, however at the age of twelve I was kicked out on to the streets by refusing to continue on in the blacksmith trade. Luckily at the age of fifteen after three years on the street of eating nothing but rats and mung beans I was taken in by an old watchmaker. By my 21st birthday I was a master watchmaker, unfortunately by that time the War had reached us and I was conscripted to fight in the Royal Ragtime Ensemble. During basic training I was captured by the Luftwaffe. I was held in a POW camp for the remainder of the war. During my time in the camp I become close friends with Alfred Von Scant a german officer of gypsy descent. He once tried to help me escape due to his opposition of the Nazi regime, unfortunately he was captured during the attempt he was made to walk the plank and now resides in David Jones' Locker. I was due to be executed the following day fortunately that night the axis of prosperity captured Rome and returned it to the Jews. I was released from the camp with a double breasted suit and small change purse. On my return home to Kent I met a woman named Sturgeon who had been a flight attendent on the Hindenburg, luckily the day of the disaster she had to run to the toilet just before take off and missed the launch. We fell in love that instant we met, the following summer we married in Buckingham Palace at the insistance of the Queen. Sturgeon gave birth to triplets in the Spring of '55, their names were Simon, Simone and Terrence. In 1961 on a trip to Disney Word Sturgeon fell ill while on the tea cups, she died three weeks later at Sermon on the Mount Hospice. It was a tough couple of years after my wife left, my children handled their grief through the use of high octane sugar. It took almost a decade for them to drop the habbit. The all moved away to Univeristy in the fall of 1976. They all studied philosophy and commerce. Simon and Simone started a banking firm in Kent while Terrence became a stewardess, just like his mother. My children have now moved away I sit alone in my cupboard hoping for a birthday card. I don't blame Disney for the loss of my wife but I do blame them for the loss of $6.00 I incurred by not being able to exchange my Mickey dollars back!

Interests

I like a good cantaloupe served with a variety of fine greek yoghurts! Charlie Chaplin never hurt anyone and that's the way I like my comedic yarns. A good sterile back wash on thursdays keeps the neighbours on their toes and my back clean. The Tale of Two Cities and Sharkman and Beyond are by strong opinion my two least favourite novels of all time, coincidently they are my two favourite movies ever made. The musical stylings of Bennie and the Jets make me quiver with sexual frustration.

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